Qibei Sylvia Steiner
Broken glass, Shattered heart?
Updated: May 25, 2020
“Stop! Drop the bag!” Hearing the shouting, I saw Larry, the coach from my son’s Kungfu class zoomed out of the room and started chasing after two tall skinny guys, whose faces were covered by their hoodies. My heart dropped.
I came out of the room and found the broken pieces of glass all over my car. The left rear window was completely shattered, leaving a huge irregular-shaped opening. I noticed my backpack was missing. What??? Not again! I was telling myself, as I remembered this happened once last year.
A parent who witnessed the scene came to me saying: “I’m so sorry for your loss.” I looked at him and was going to say “thank you” for his thoughtfulness. He continued saying: “You must feel being violated right now.” I responded “Yes. I feel a little uneasy.” He then added, “Well, you probably will feel being violated for a long time.” My mind just paused, right there.
Like a switch being turned on by his words, I noticed some old energy got activated in my body along with some vague memories. I knew what it is. Fro many years, whenever I would experience some sort of separation, loss, or “violation”, it would wake up an energy that moves upwards in my body like fragile bubbles. The bubbles floats and pops constantly. Many times I would unconsciously choose to ride on this bubbling energy, then I would feel lightheaded and cloudy. I would feel disconnected and shattered for a long period of time, long past the actual event.
I recognized the bubbles now, and I felt the unsettling energy began to float up inside of me. What a familiar sensation this is. But, actually, I didn’t feel the grip for me to hop onto the bubbly ride this time.
I recognized it is just an energy that is passing through, like a wave, a breeze, or a breath. I chose to stay where I was internally, feeling my body firmly connected to the ground. I was just watching, allowing this energy to move through me without a need to engage or judge.
Within a minute or two, my mind grew clear and my body became stable. The bubbling energy was gone.
I thanked the parent who tried to comfort me with his empathetic expressions, and I walked away with a lightened heart.